This post talks about self-injury
Yesterday, March 1st, was self-injury awareness day. And the month of March is self-injury awareness month.
I scoured my past blog posts and I couldn’t find a post talking solely about self-injury. I have covered body image and eating disorders because they are easier topics to write about since the struggle with my own body image is one that is still ever present; the negative thoughts come and I push them away with positive, truer ones.
I don’t really know how to talk about self-injury. It was tied to so many other emotions and feelings I had about myself that it feels like it’s not its own separate entity. What I do know is that my mental health was not the best; it’s taken work to get to a good mental space.
One of my favorite songs is “Dare You To Move” by Switchfoot. I fell in love with that song when I heard it and the video is equally as amazing as the song. For a long time I had the song title visible on a sheet of paper in my room then on my phone’s lock screen to remind me to take each day as its own; no matter what happened yesterday, or an hour ago, I could get back up and start anew.
But now those words are tattooed on my left inner bicep. I chose that place because that is where most of my scars are. Most people won’t notice them but I know they are there and can point them out to you if you were to ask.
Self-injury for me was a physical manifestation of emotional pain. It became an addiction, much like drugs or alcohol.
Self-injury is a tricky thing to talk about because many people don’t understand why you would harm your body in that way. But it’s not really that difficult a concept to grasp when you compare it to turning to alcohol or drugs to numb the emotional pain you can’t or don’t want to deal with.
I’m not ashamed of my past. The scars remind of where I’ve been. The tattoo reminds me that I’m not defined by my past.